How to heal the broken heart seems like a tall order, and sometimes we just wish we can sleep on it one time and it’s over. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t make it. I wouldn’t say that I hate to burst your bubble because I will burst it regardless, so I am now sending you a virtual hug before I blurt it out. So here it is: either you’re not doing the work, or you’re not doing it consistently hard enough. Much as I would want to say that kindly, that’s essentially the whole point of this: you have to feel the pain–allow it to reach its maximum force until it hurts no more. So here are more steps you can do to release it once and for all.

1. Imagine your ex with someone else

Imagine your ex being with someone you feel most jealous about. Imagine them kissing, having a date, or even having sex. While they’re at it, imagine that you’re right there in front of them, probably crying, shouting–whatever. It’s like feeling the burning sensation like a sword freshly forged in fire stuck right through your chest. 

Whether the reason for the breakup is a real third party or a mutual decision to part ways–imagine, and feel that pain. Know that you will get over it. Whether you’re seeing that now or not, know that a higher force is leading you to someone that will never make you feel that pain again. Don’t wait for it; trust that it will come. That’s the magic of time.

2. Suck it all up.

Here goes acceptance. It’s okay to feel sad, guilty, lonely, even depressed. Welcome them in. Acknowledge them. And as I always advise friends, invite your emotions for a cup of coffee, and then let them go. As cliche as it may sound, pain is inevitable, but suffering is not. And when you’re already suffering, that’s what I meant when I said that you are not doing it hard enough. They are not coming back. What is meant for you will never pass you by. Remember that.

3. Do something physical

And do it as soon as possible. No, I’m not talking about resorting to violence, but something to move your body. And with this tip comes the evergreen recommendation to get out of your comfort zone, and try something new to distract yourself.

Sometimes you get tired of crying, so save those tears and shift to sweating. Work on changing your body. I’m not saying that a “perfect” body will get you your revenge just like in the movies. But sweating it out a day keeps those negative emotions from bringing you down. Exercise is a no-brainer way to make you automatically feel good about yourself. 

If lockdown restrictions wouldn’t permit you to go out and learn swimming or football, then equip yourself at home. Start a fitness routine at home. It may feel good to start picking up those dumbbells or playing any fitness video whenever you feel lonely about the breakup. Try the free FitOn or maximize your free trial in Alo Moves (yes, those are personal recommendations, not sponsored links).

4. List down all of your best traits

Journal your experience. Express all of your feelings as far as your healing journey is concerned. List how you feel today about the breakup. And while you are at it, list down all of your best traits. List as many as you can. 

I had one birthday celebration where my friends told me what they admire most about me. I was surprised because most of those traits I don’t see in myself. You can also do that–instead of calling your friend to recount the experience, ask him/her to tell you what they admire about you. And never dismiss what they say. “You are inspiring, intelligent, and beautiful”–regardless of what they say, feel it in your body. Bask in it and believe. Repeat this every day, and if you still don’t believe them, live up to it as if it were true.

© Simon Migaj

5. Meditate

Meditation is my all-around “cure” to any negative feelings. Meditation can redirect your focus, and it’s like a 15 to 30-min off of thinking about your ex. I could have created a list here of pep talk prompts for you to repeat, but through meditation practice, instructors will give you those affirming, nurturing, comforting words. 

Meditation seems like an imaginary mirror for you to see yourself from an objective perspective. And you needed to see that to make necessary changes for your well-being.

You could also listen to any binaural beats or instrumental music with a 528 Hz frequency. It’s the love frequency, and it softens your heart space as if whispering to you that that kind of love you exert on someone else is something you need to bring back to yourself. 

Meditation has its own tricky way of rewiring your brain. Partnered with time, healing becomes effortless.

Last Few Words

How long does it take to heal a broken heart? Probably a month or more, but once you start now, you’ll be picking yourself up in just a week. You will never even have to think that you are working on healing once you do it now. All you know is you’re feeling better and it feels so yesterday. This may not even make sense, but if you have ever reached this point, that means you are ready to move on.

Remember that those choices you make from hereon will determine the outcome. You made the right choice today, so thank you for allowing me to distract you. Cheer up! You are worth it.

Find Guidance Through the Tarot

Shuffle the cards and whisper, May this reading give me more guidance with what I’m going through. Click on the card from left to right to read its description. Yes, this is free!

Five of Swords

Someone may seek to exploit your lowest moments. This is the card of betrayal and malevolent rivalry.

Your current conflicts remain unresolved and continue to fester indefinitely. You cling to the notion of winning out this contentious cycle, yet you know none of the sacrifices will be worth it.

Nine of Wands

You are resilient in times of weariness. There is no giving up when your goals are so close.

Your setbacks have proven to be too much, and you feel broken under the weight of your responsibilities. The journey has been long and unfulfilling.

Seven of Wands

You rise to meet your challenges. This indicates competition and maintenance of the status quo you have achieved. You are sure of your goals and there is no negotiating them.

The struggles proves to be too much, and you are overwhelmed from the effort of defending yourself.

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